Spades & Roses

SPADES & ROSES is one of the best albums in my listening experience.

Scroll down. Links to all 11 songs (lyrics below).


1. HEART OF SOMEBODY

https://clyp.it/3rgdw4em

Heart of Somebody

(Caroline Spence / Chris Tuttle)

I’ve been going out, I’ve been making plans

Trying to pretend this is who I am

But I need something more, I want something else

This is the well and I want the top shelf

       I wanna lose myself in the heart of somebody

       Want them to need me there, not just to want me

       I wanna lose myself in the heart of somebody

       And see the love I give return to me

Empty glasses and empty promises

Filling up my nights but in the morning I just wanna forget

I want to be full and bursting at the seams

With love, unconditionally

       I wanna lose myself in the heart of somebody

       Want them to need me there, not just to want me

       I wanna lose myself in the heart of somebody

       And see the love I give return to me

       Just want the love I give to return to me


2. HOTEL AMARILLO

https://clyp.it/zkobnnur

Hotel Amarillo 

(Caroline Spence)

I’m just passing through, it’ll only be the night

I just need somewhere to crash where I can turn off all the lights

I put 500 miles on my sweet old ride

Now I’m pulling into Hotel Amarillo with a bottle of wine

I’ve been playing shows out west with no guarantee

That anybody’s ever gonna give a damn about me

But I made enough last night to fill the tank up one more time

And to pull on into Hotel Amarillo with a bottle of wine

I’ve got no one to sleep on the other half of this king size bed

But that lady still gave me two keys when I checked in

I wish that didn’t make me think about how you’ve been spending your time

Glad I pulled on into Hotel Amarillo with a bottle of wine

Out here it’s the little things that you start to miss

That long, hot shower, that slow, deep kiss

Things like where you are and the date and time

Or the name of the hotel and what happened to the wine


3. ALL THE BEDS I'VE MADE

https://clyp.it/bonvb5bm

All The Beds I’ve Made 

 (Caroline Spence / Stephanie Lambring)

Of all the beds I’ve made, this is the hardest to leave

Oh, the world is cold out there without your arms around me

Lying here with you, I don’t need no sleep

Oh, but when I close my eyes, all my dreams are sweet

       There’s no wrong side to get up on

       No ghost keeping me awake

       Honey, this love’s gunna make up

       For all the beds I’ve made

Of all the beds I’ve made, I’ve messed up a few

Lies tangled up like sheets, all sorts of shades of blue

And I’d lie in them so long, I thought I would never move

But I tossed and turned around, and I found my way to you

       There’s no wrong side to get up on

       No ghost keeping me awake

       Honey, this love’s gunna make up

       For all the beds I’ve made

Good love is easy, like falling asleep

It’ll take you over and give you all that you need

       There’s no wrong side to get up on

       No ghost keeping me awake

       Honey, this love’s gunna make up

       For all the beds I’ve made

       Honey, this love’s gunna make up

       For all the beds I’ve made

4. YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD (COCAINE)

https://clyp.it/nhefut1g

You Don’t Look So Good (Cocaine)  

(Caroline Spence)

Honey, I love you, you’ve got a piece of my heart

But it’s hard to watch you falling apart

To the untrained eye, you’re just the life of the party

But they don’t know what it’s like if you finish what you’re starting

       You get so high, you can’t come back down

       Can’t see what you lose except a couple of pounds

       I’m a broken record, you know what I’m gunna say

       You don’t look so good when you do cocaine

Some people can handle it, oh honey, you can’t

Can’t find a way to go to the ball and sit out for a dance

Some people see roses, you only see thorns

At the first little drop of pain you wish you’d never been born

       You get so high, you can’t come back down

       Can’t see what you lose except a couple of pounds

       I’m a broken record, you know what I’m gunna say

       You don’t look so good when you do cocaine

And I call it like I see it and I can see from the look in your eye

You’ve been chasing that feeling, you’ve been walking a fine line

       You get so high, you can’t come back down

       Can’t see what you lose except a couple of pounds

       I’m a broken record, you know what I’m gunna say

       You don’t look so good when you do cocain

       No, you don’t look so good when you do cocaine


5. SOUTHERN ACCIDENT

https://clyp.it/tzq3qnwg

Southern Accident 

(Caroline Spence)

Your momma and your daddy, they knew their love was true

But I came out eight months after my momma said “I Do”

It’s not that they were lying, they were looking down the road

But I can’t help but to think of love as something that can come and go

       So honey, I’m doubtful

       Honey, I’m hopeful

       Honey, I’m a handful but I’m a hand you can hold

       Honey, I’m reticent

       I’m a southern accident

       But, honey, I’m here and I’m gonna let it go

You took family vacation, I never learned to sky

On weekends I’d hide in my bedroom, watch too much MTV

It’s not that there was yelling, but the silence was thick

That’s why when I get angry, you’d never know it

       So honey, I’m doubtful

       Honey, I’m hopeful

       Honey, I’m a handful but I’m a hand you can hold

       Honey, I’m reticent

       I’m a southern accident

       But, honey, I’m here and I’m gonna let it go

Oh, it’s a coming of age and a ticking of the clock

Some folks dream to settle, some folks say “why not?”

But I don’t see the hurry, wanna love you through all the seasons

And you see the good, the bad and leave me

Don’t love me for any other reason

       Then that I’m doubtful

       Honey, I’m hopeful

       Honey, I’m a handful but I’m a hand you can hold

       Honey, I’m reticent

       I’m a southern accident

       But, honey, I’m here and I’m gonna let it go


6. SLOW DANCER

https://clyp.it/uu5qtrzr

Slow Dancer 

(Caroline Spence / Stephanie Lambring )

Same old bar, same old stools

I’m used to following the same old rules

First date, arm’s length, nice try, no thanks

I think I better get going

       Oh, but how do you do it, I’m lost in the music

       I’m floating around like there’s nothing to it

       Found that part of my heart won’t take no for an answer

       You turned me into a slow dancer

       You turned me into a slow dancer

I’ve been known to drag my feet

I’ve never been one to believe

True love, first sight, rest of your life

Now I think that I think too much

       Oh, but how do you do it, I’m lost in the music

       I’m floating around like there’s nothing to it

       Found that part of my heart won’t take no for an answer

       You turned me into a slow dancer

       You turned me into a slow dancer

How do you know where to go?

How do you know when you know?

       Oh, but how do you do it, I’m lost in the music

       I’m floating around like there’s nothing to it

       Found that part of my heart won’t take no for an answer

       You turned me into a slow dancer

       You turned me into a slow dancer 

       You turned me into a slow dancer



7.  SOFTBALL

https://clyp.it/wkxuyaum

Softball 

(Caroline Spence)

That old tree house in the neighbor’s yard

with the sign that says “No Girl’s Allowed”

I’d break on in and climb up high

Get the prettiest view of the town

And I’d think

One day Coach will put me in

I’ve been working hard

I can catch any pop fly

and hit one out of the yard

If there’s one thing that I’m sure of

It’s I could win them all

And when I make it to the majors

they ain’t gonna call it softball

Now I work all day at the boy’s club

78 cents on the dollar

Some girls bow their heads or just bow out

And I can’t help but want to holler

Still saying

Hey, Coach won’t you put me in

I’ve been working hard

I can catch any pop fly

and hit one out of the yard

If there’s one thing that I’m learning

You can’t win them all

And even when you’re stealing the base

They’re still gunna call it softball

When I’m done working I wanna blow off steam

And wear my best dress out

But outside of my grass-stained jeans

They keep thinking I was asking for something I wasn’t thinking about

I’m only asking

Hey coach won’t you put me in

I’ve been working hard

I can catch any pop fly

and hit one out of the yard

If there’s one thing that I’m sure of

You can’t win them all

And they’ll go to strike you out

And say “cheer up it’s only softball”

Hey coach won’t you put me in

I’ve been working hard

8. TO GO DOWN

https://clyp.it/pyk3bwg1

To Go Down 

(Pete Lindberg)

Luck owes you nothing and it ain’t work wondering

when yours is gonna change

Your ship is sinking, soon you’ll be swimming

at the mercy of the wave

I owe you nothing but I’ll give you something

That you can hold onto

Though my heart is breaking, it’s yours for the taking

If that’s what’ll get you through

       Will it be your time to go down

       Or will your luck come around?

       Will it be your time to go down

       Or will your luck come around?

The wind is changing, a sparrow’s singing

For you down in the sand

His eyes are open, his wings are broken

He will fall into your hands

       Will it be your time to go down

       Or will your luck come around?

       Will it be your time to go down

       Or could my love keep you around?

9. WISHING WELL

https://clyp.it/wup1vdie

Wishing Well

(Caroline Spence)

If I had a dollar every time I thought of you

I’d get rich so quick I wouldn’t know what to do

If I had a nickel every time you crossed my mind

I could make a dollar so quick I’d leave all of my worries behind

       But if I can’t have you I’ll just be

       Sinking like a penny in the wishing well

       If I can’t have you I’ll just be

       Wasting all my pennies in the wishing well

       Penny in the wishing well

I don’t make money and I don’t make sense

Just sitting here writing songs, wondering where the love went

You could buy a car with the quarters I spent

In the jukebox playing our song again and again

       But if I can’t have you I’ll just be

       Sinking like a penny in the wishing well

       If I can’t have you I’ll just be

       Wasting all my pennies in the wishing well

       Penny in the wishing well

Take a chance, make a splash

One of these days a stone you throw

Is gunna leave a ripple that lasts

One day it’s gunna last

       But if I can’t have you I’ll just be

       Sinking like a penny in the wishing well

       If I can’t have you I’ll just be

       Wasting all my pennies in the wishing well

       Penny in the wishing well

10. I CAN'T COMPLAIN

https://clyp.it/q53ibrg5

I Can’t Complain 

(Caroline Spence)

I’ve had flat tires and bad ideas

I’ve been there when I should have been here

I’ve been burned in the sunshine, I’ve been stuck out in the rain

But after all, I can’t complain

I’ve been caught red handed, I’ve been caught off guard

I’ve been caught watching the grass grower greener in the neighbor’s yard

I’ve got a to-do list the size of Spain

But after all, I can’t complain

       Cause if I die tomorrow they’ll find me with a roof over my head

       And there’s a chance there was eloquence in the very last words I said

       It’s all love and it’s all pain

       And after all I can’t complain

I have drank til I forgot

I have taken the impossible half-court shot

I’ve lived large and I’ve loved in vain

But after all, I can’t complain

       Cause if I die tomorrow they’ll find me with a roof over my head

       And there’s a chance there was eloquence in the very last words I said

       It’s all love and it’s all pain

       And after all I can’t complain

I’ve been the belle of the ball, I’ve been the beast of burden

I’ve been known to leave a heart hurting

I’ve been one of a kind, I’ve been one and the same

But after all, I can’t complain

       Cause if I die tomorrow they’ll find me with a roof over my head

       And there’s a chance there was eloquence in the very last words I said

       It’s all love and it’s all pain

       And after all I can’t complain

       You get what you give if you don’t give to gain

       And after all I can’t complain

11. GOODBYE BYGONES

https://clyp.it/boas4lpj

Goodbye Bygones 

(Caroline Spence / Danny Mitchell)

Let it be, don’t you know

You cannot call a spade a rose

Again I find the sweetest thing

Is to let you go

Soon I’ll be the one before

Cause what you need is something more

Than you and I on other sides

Of a closing door

       This love was made for the past

       And there’s no sense in looking back

       So I keep on singing the same little song

       Goodbye bygones

       Goodbye gone

Down the road you will find someone

Who makes you forget you were mine

And I’ll just be some small piece

Of another time

       This love was made for the past

       And there’s no sense in looking back

       So I keep on singing the same little song

       Goodbye bygones

       Goodbye gone

Let it be goodbye

Let it be goodbye

Let it be gone

       This love was made for the past

       And there’s no sense in looking back

       So I keep on singing the same little song

       Goodbye bygones

       Goodbye gone

The Way You Do Anything

Sylvie Simmons quoted Tom Waits

To begin her illuminating biography

Of Leonard Cohen, I’M YOUR MAN:

The way you do anything is

The way you do everything.

Decades ago

My acting professor at UNC said

That a breakthrough in one area,

Such as fencing, or juggling,

Or speaking verse,

Even listening …

Would spark progress

In other areas.

In fact, in all

Of the other areas.

It’s all related.

The knee bone

Is connected to the thigh bone.

(And so forth.)

That lyric is as

Widely known

As it is true.

But the rich essence

Of that wisdom

Is often misplaced,

Or worse,

Forgotten.

The universe might

Not be round,

But karma doesn’t care,

Does it?

What goes around,

Comes around.

She’ll be coming

Round the mountain,

(But that’s another matter).

Since late August 2016,

I’ve been taking lessons

With an Alexander Technique teacher.

At first I thought

The enterprise was mostly

About helping me address

Years and years and years

Of poor posture.

But this brings us back to Tom Waits.

The way you do anything.

What happens in the body

Happens in the mind.

And vice versa.

Feeling pain in your back?

What caused it?

How do I fix it?

Start from the ground
And work up.

The way you do anything

Reminds us that 

It is all connected.

When you have pain

In one area,
Chances are quite strong

That you are compensating,

Perhaps in a manner

That you are not yet aware.

A great teacher

Helps you locate the portal,

But you have to take it from there.

F.M. Alexander said,

“The things that don’t exist

Are the most difficult to get rid of.”

At first glance,

Perhaps this seems a tad cryptic,

Or maybe Cheech-And-Bong fueled.

Let’s focus.

Until one is aware of a habit

That habit is impossible to tame.
And, to be honest, that’s a high bar:
Taming a habit.

My advice is to try and make friends.

Get to know that pest.

Get comfortable with its presence.
And smile every time

You realize it has returned.
And it is going to return.

Alexander also said:

“To know when we are wrong

Is all that we shall ever know in this world.”

How Many Americas?

We live in too many Americas to count.

I reside in North Carolina in Wake County, which is part of what is commonly called The Research Triangle, an imaginary boundary that connects Chapel Hill, Durham and Raleigh. Toss in Hillsborough, and you have the Research Trapezoid. It is as blue as blue can be.

Heading east from Raleigh and venturing into Johnston County, a traveler leaves one America and soon discovers he is in another … and in another era … perhaps the early 1950s.

As a North Carolinian, I have often cringed while visiting blue regions and hear residents of those areas dismiss my home as if it were Alabama, one of the deepest, reddest states. I have been quick to reassure those yapping through wind-blown hats that there are "plenty" of blue people in North Carolina, that it is a swing state, a state that voted for Obama in 2008, and elected a Democratic governor in 2016.

In spite of knowing that even Texas boasts an oasis of thought in Austin, I admit that I forget that reasonable people live everywhere. That there were folks just as upset with the 2016 presidential election in red states as there were folks distressed in blue states. What we didn’t or couldn’t fathom was how many were livid in the heart of Republican control.

Last night in Alabama, we witnessed a glimmer of hope, that instead of wondering how many, we can say, “Enough.”

Enough people voted. 

Moore, who refused to concede, handled loss as about as well as North Carolina’s former governor, Pat McCory, who eventually went down in hubris flames.

According to a graphic in The New York Times:

Doug Jones received 49.9 percent of the vote —  670,551.

Roy Moore received 48.4 percent — 649,240.

Granted this was an election tainted with a remarkably bogus candidate in Moore, and in my view, a trashy echo of the presidential disaster in 2016. But this time, sanity prevailed.

Barely.

Perhaps Alabama is a microcosm of the question of How Many Americas? We would be foolish to assume Alabama is turning blue any more than it would be absurd to fail to grasp that Moore’s defeat had much more to do with Moore than it did Jones. Again in my view, Moore is a gun-toting, bible thumping nuisance, a vastly flawed candidate, even if one is thick skinned and Cro-Magnon enough to dismiss the sexual harassment claims. Like Trump, Moore is a serial liar, and his loss last night gave truth an unanticipated triumph.

In a state that breathes the expression “Roll Tide” …. Perhaps this is the first wave of what is to come — that more and more reasonable people will activate a resolute trudge into a voting booth.

I refuse to believe that those who support Trump, and to a certain extent Bannon, are the majority. I believe that hope has walked into the building, so to speak, simply by showing up to mark a ballot.

If Alabama can muster enough votes for a man with (D) beside his name to deprive a ludicrous candidate, great things can happen in states where elections have been more competitive.

Sweet Home Alabama, indeed.

Wild Man Be Careful

His name before adopted was Charleston. We renamed him Orson, as he gained so much weight that his empire expanded in a manner similar to how Orson Welles went from splinter to massive Redwood.

Ruth says there was a note about Orson, WILD MAN BE CAREFUL, that she shared with me.

I never heard it or perhaps didn't want to hear it.

Orson was a brilliant cat, relentless about getting more food, not one to suck up or even be friendly, unless it was on his terms. Orson came to us in April of 2005. He has been a source of conversation, and of his many "legends" ... the night he swallowed a lizard under our bed ranks high.

Today, we woke up to the horrible moment when we discovered Orson had died during the night.

Orson Stalvey will be missed.

Someone To Tell

Our wants shift

With the change,

That time brings.

One day

In the Bermuda Triangle

Of your past

While rummaging in the attic

You find a typewriter

That had once been a friend.

Nearby, a charger for the cordless phone system

You’d hooked up all over the house.

Stacks and stacks

Of clothes in various sizes

That no longer fit;

Each garment proof of a different you:

Sometimes thinner, sometimes wider,

Poignant evidence that 

Our empires shift horizontally,

And with age —

Vertically as well.

There’s a box in the corner

With actual photos taken

During a journey

From San Francisco to Seattle.

Long ago, and yet so immediate.

A thai restaurant in Berkley

That has yet to be beat.

Pad Thai of the gods.

A muffin the size of a softball in Eureka.

The winding road on the coast

Where a classic view happened

So often that it became tedious.

Driving the rental car,

A Cadillac,

Through a tree.

Parking in Portland

And learning that one can find

A coffee house every hundred yards

Or so it seemed.

Half a decade before the internet,

Before a staggering array of new wants arrived.

Such as

the house-shattering explosion

Of dial up ….

Shwassh, shwasssh, shwasssh,

screech, screech,

BONG, BONG, BONG …

Then the wait.

Something’s wrong.

No, it’s just taking forever.

Those first years traveling

And suddenly fast speed is an amenity, like HBO.
Not long before a friend suggests a wireless router.
And the world evolved. Again.

Flip phones.

Then the game changer of all game changers:

Smart phones.
Now we are truly stupid

Without our device.

Not long ago, when someone

Forgot their wallet, major panic.
Now when the phone is left behind

People feel nude in a public place.

Lately, there’s serious chatter

About cars that drive themselves.

Get your kicks on Route 66?

I suppose that that will be a convenience,

To sit back and leave the driving

To your new best robot friend.

It is SO 20^th century.
To sit behind the wheel

Of a vehicle with a stick shift

And a great sound system:

Then, get your motor running;

Head out on the highway;

Looking for adventure.

A robot can’t replace that urge.

Not for me.

Once upon a time

The romantic dipped a quill

And scratched his feelings on parchment

To send to his or her paramour.

There’s a 19^th century word.

Paramour.

But it’s also one “thing” that will never disappear.

We can high tech ourselves to boredom,

Take selfies,

Hook up with strangers,

Do a zillion things quicker and faster;

But we will never outrun or outfeel

Actual human nature.

We will always need to belong,

To share,

To know that someone else

Heard us, 

Saw us, 

Laughed with us.

It’s why we crave Facebook and Twitter:
To be seen,

Acknowledged,

Appreciated,

Accepted.

That’s a given.

None of us can thrive alone.

Isolation is the purest hell.

We will always need

Someone to tell.