The Dook Game: Agony, Recollection, Hope

While it is always vastly pleasant to defeat Dook in anything, there are three major confrontations that are a given each season. Football and the home/away series in basketball.

Football gets the motor running, but it is a mild version of the rivalry, particularly as dook's default lackluster football prowess often falls far short of UNC's lackluster football prowess.

That said, it is never a bad thing to roast those assholes in hell.

Then we come to basketball, which on a given year forces two great (often great) basketball entities to share some sweat and spit in front of venom-fueled fans, some who are actually crazy, and others who are on the bandwagon.

This year UNC has a new head coach, while tonight is the last time (so he says) the rat will coach Dook in the Smith Center. For me, I hope it is a totally miserable experience for that shyster shithead and his cult.

I doubt that happens, however, as this year, as usual, Dook has the edge when it comes to talent. It will also have the edge with coaching. How much remains to be seen.

My thought is that UNC must shoot at least damn well to have a chance.

My mind, however, the day of a dook game meanders from looking ahead to looking back, and as those thoughts spiral in time, they operate as if a kaleidoscope roller coaster, a constant series of different yet familiar images, twisting into view and then morphing into a new frame, also different but also familiar.

There's no order.

Danny Green's dunk in Durham over Paulus.

Hansbrough's 3 as a freshman.

Bloody Montross.

Bloody Hansbrough.

"Gerald is the victim."

"Shut the fuck up!" The young rat yelling at Coach Smith.

Larry Brown and Art Heyman punching each other.

River's 3 in the Smith Center after Zeller missed from the line. 

Sitting in the Smith Center before a dook game and watching the dookies slink onto the court, led by the coaching staff in their Armani suits.

Marvin Williams' rebound and put back that was like a bomb exploding. One of the most amazing moments in the long line of amazing moments.

Caleb and Kerwin going off in Cameron.

Tripper tripping.

David Noel leaving the man with the ball, and that man scores the winning layup at the buzzer. I watched that moment in a lonely hotel room in Houston, Texas.

Sometimes the kaleidoscope pauses ... and a voice that reminds me of Walter Cronkite says:

"It's more than a basketball game; it's an examination of contrasting styles with game tactics, strategy and personnel decisions, as well as how each program treats its players when attending school and after.

One school is about life, the other in recent seasons about a semester. 

One program values passing and team play; the other program touts 3s and flopping. Get something for nothing."


Walter Cronkite coughs, glancing at his notes.

"It's not a stretch to say UNC vs Dook is a morality play And it's quite true, the good guys don't always win."

A guitar gently strums an opening chord ...then "In my mind, I'm going to Carolina."


No one has ever written or will write, In my mind I'm going to dook.